Sideshow Bob: "No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it"

Marge: "Aw geez, I just SWEPT the Circle of Death!"

Apu: "This passport is a cheap forgery! A cheap $2,000 forgery!"

Bart: "What do we need church shoes for, Jesus wore sandals."

Homer: "Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught."

Apu: "Homer, you are asleep at your post! Now go change the expiration dates on the dairy products!"

Grandpa: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star."

Barney: "40 dollars!? This better be the best damn beer ever.. [drinks beer] You got lucky."

Homer: "That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A blue car."

Homer: "Marge, I'm going to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm coming back loaded!"

Scully: "Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?"

Homer: "Yes." (lie dectector blows up)

Abe: "Too old? Why, that just means I have experience. Who chased the Irish out of Springfield village in aught four? Me, that's who!"

Irish man: "And a fine job you did, too."

Lisa: "Beware the Ides of March."

Homer: "No."

Apu: "Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know."

Homer: He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he?!?

Moe: "Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything."

Homer: "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."

Homer: "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

Homer: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

Chief Wiggum: "I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."

Homer: "Jesus, Allah, Buddah. I love you all!"

Barney: "Whoah, someone smells stinky! Oh, its me."

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.