Daily Simpsons

Provides a funny quote daily from the popular animated series The Simpsons.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Reenactment Monkeys

Lisa: "Well, maybe you could reach out to the community and help other people."

Homer: "Hmm...I could help others. I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them reenact the civil war."

Lisa: "Dad, that doesn't help people!"

Homer: "Couldn't hurt...unless the monkeys start hurting people. Which they almost certainly would."

[2F09] Homer The Great

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Castro Mi Amigo

Homer: "I think we can trust the president of Cuba."

[5F14] The Trouble With Trillions

Monday, June 28, 2004

The Joy Of Sisters-In-Law

Homer: "Stupid driving test at the stupid DMV where stupid Patty and stupid Selma work! Sometimes I think God is teasing me...just like he teased Moses in the desert."

Marge: "Tested, Homer! God tested Moses. And try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time."

Homer: "Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes. Now that's sarcasm!"

[2F14] Homer Vs. Patty And Selma

Friday, June 25, 2004

Springfield Pride

Marge: "Whatever happened to good old-fashioned town pride?"

Lisa: "It's been going downhill ever since the lake caught fire."

[2F22] Lemon Of Troy

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Homer Meets Mel Brooks

Homer: "Oh, wow! ... comedy legend Mel Brooks! I love that movie Young Frankenstein - scared the hell out of me!"

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Depressing Breakfast

Homer: "Nobody make me any breakfast. A man so deeply in debt doesn't deserve it."

Marge: "But I like to make you breakfast!"

Homer: "Oh, in that case I'll just have French toast with double butter and a side of bacon...but no powdered sugar, I don't deserve it! Well, maybe a little powdered sugar."

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Pig Of All Trades

Homer: "Lisa honey, are you saying that you are never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"

Lisa: "No!"

Homer: "Ham?"

Lisa: "No!"

Homer: "Porkchops?"

Lisa: "Dad, those all come from the same animal!"

Homer: [sarcastic] "Yeah right Lisa, a woooonderful magical animal."

[3F03] Lisa The Vegetarian

Monday, June 21, 2004

Political Censorship?

D'Arcy: "I was in the audio-visual club."

Homer: "Really? Me too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. . . also, I was stealing projectors."

[3F21] Homerpalooza

Friday, June 18, 2004

Where The Crazies Go

Homer: "We'll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to. "

Lisa: "I'll start with Radio Shack."

[4F02] Treehouse of Horror VII

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Tears Of A Superintendant

Skinner: "I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl."

[all the students laugh]

Skinner: [chuckles] "I guess it is a little funny."

[4F01] Lisa's Date With Density

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Mmmmm Moment

Homer: "Mmmmmm ... maca-ma-damia nuts ..."

[7F14] Bart's Dog Gets an F

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Loving Your Boss

Mr Burns: "I want to be loved"

Homer: "Ok, I'll need some beer"

[AABF17] Monty Can't Buy Me Love

Monday, June 14, 2004

Grampa Making Extra Money

Grandpa: "...and I learned I can make money selling my medication to deadheads."

[3G02] Lisa's Sax

Friday, June 11, 2004

Tooth For A Tooth

Homer: "Young man, since you broke Grampa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

Grandpa: "Oh, this is going to be sweet."

[9F03] Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie

Thursday, June 10, 2004

The Drink Or...

Homer: "Hello is this President Clinton? Good. I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang, it'd be you."

[1F13] Deep Space Homer

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Artificial Kidneys

Homer: "Marge, I've been thinking. What if instead of donating one of my old worn out kidneys; I give Grampa that artificial kidney I invented?"

Marge: "Oh, Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued to it."

[AABF04] Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble

Tuesday, June 08, 2004


Grandpa Simpson: "You never know what you're capable of. I never thought I could ever shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong."

[2F20] Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two

Monday, June 07, 2004

You Got Sick Where?

Ralph: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.

[1F18] Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song

Friday, June 04, 2004

Dating In Heaven

Ned: "Homer, I'm having second thoughts. This feels so disloyal to Maude."

Homer: "Oh, wake up, Ned. You think Maude isn't dating in Heaven?"

Ned: "You think she would?"

Homer: "How could she not? The place is full of eligible bachelors. John Wayne, Tupac Shakur, Sherlock Holmes ..."

Ned: [chuckles] "Sherlock Holmes is a character."

Homer: "He sure is!" [wolfish growl]

[BABF10] Alone Again, Natura-Diddly

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Beer & Country

Homer: "You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning."

[3F20] Much Apu About Nothing

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Homer Smarts

Homer: "Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?"

Marge: "That's because you were drunk!"

Homer: "And how!"

[1F20] Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Homer Jury

Homer: "How many S's in innocent?"

[1F19] The Boy Who Knew Too Much