Daily Simpsons

Provides a funny quote daily from the popular animated series The Simpsons.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Research First

Homer (impersonating his boss): "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me."

Post office worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know..."

[7F22] Blood Feud

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Hindu Swearing

Apu: "Shiva H. Vishnu!"

[3F12] Bart the Fink

Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Ralph: "Um, Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent."

Ms Hoover: "Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?"

Ralph: "He was going to the bathroom."

[1F18] Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song

Monday, December 27, 2004

Laws Are Meant To Be Broken

Homer: "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

[2F19] The PTA Disbands

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Good Kid, Bad Kid

Homer: "We always have one good kid, and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?"

Marge: "We have three kids Homer."

Homer: "Marge...The dog dosen't count as a kid."

[8F15] Separate Vocations

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Judgmental Operator

Operator: "The fingers you have used to dial, are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm, now."

[3F05] King- Size Homer

Monday, December 20, 2004

Even Trade Off?

Homer: "Marge, we had a deal, your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick."

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Friday, December 17, 2004

Timing Is Everything

Broker: "Homer, I told you a hundred times, you gotta sell your pumpkin futures before Halloween, before!"

Homer: "Ok, Ok let's not panic, I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers, I can get by with one."

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Heat Wave

Homer: "Marge, can you set the oven to cold?"

[1F22] Bart of Darkness

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Ol' McTrigonometry

Lisa: "I'm studying for the math fair, if I win I'll bring home a brand new protractor!"

Homer: "Too bad we don't live on a farm."

[7F08] Dead Putting Society

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Amazing Memory Loss

Mr. Burns: "Who is this Homer Simpson?"

Smithers: "Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude."

Mr. Burns: "Doesn't ring a bell."

[9F15] Last Exit to Springfield

Monday, December 13, 2004

They'll Just Blame Anyone

Grandpa Simpson : "I always get the blame around here! Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch? Who got their dentures stuck on the toilet?"

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Homer: "But Marge, this is our big chance to show up the Flanderseses."

Marge: "I'm sure it is, but why would we want to do that?"

Homer: "Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad! And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves."

[7F08] Dead Putting Society

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Bright Idea

Homer: "You know that little ball you put on the arial so you can find your car in the parking lot? That should be on every car!"

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Mini Celebrity Appearances

Homer: "After work I have to open a Jiffy Lube and then host the Cable Ace Awards."

Lenny: "Wow...Jiffy Lube."

[2F12] Homer the Clown

Monday, December 06, 2004


Grandpa Simpson (typing a letter): "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot."

[2F06] Homer Bad Man

Friday, December 03, 2004

Crappy Knockoffs

Homer: "Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!"

Bart: "Don't be a sap dad. These are just crappy knockoffs."

Homer: "I know a genuine 'Panaphonics' when I see one. And look! There's 'Magnet Box' and 'Sorny!'"

[3F11] Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

Thursday, December 02, 2004


Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, it's that girlsshould stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such. "

[4F17] The Old Man and the Lisa

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Old Fashioned

Mr. Burns: "Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt? "

[3G01] The Springfield Files