Daily Simpsons

Provides a funny quote daily from the popular animated series The Simpsons.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Sudden Realization

Homer: "The only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes...wait a minute...Statue of Liberty...THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

[1F13] Deep Space Homer

Monday, November 29, 2004

This Can't Be Good

Lionel Hutz: "Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider."

Marge:" Is that bad?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog."

Marge: "Really?!"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, replace the word kinda with the word repeatedly and the word dog with son."

[9F20] Marge in Chains

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Giving Thanks

"And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest,
safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Anyway, we'd like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and
love our family has experienced. Well, not today, but... You saw what
happened! Oh, Lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the
universe or what!"

[7F07] Bart vs. Thanksgiving

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Motivational Speaker

Speaker: "Be like the boy."

Crowd: "Be like boy, be like boy!"

Speaker: "Just the ladies."

Ladies: "Be like boy, be like boy!"

Speaker: "Now, just the seniors in the back."

Seniors Citizens: "We like Roy, we like Roy!"

[1F05] Bart's Inner Child

Monday, November 22, 2004

A Conspiracy Revisted

Homer: "Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesday, and they never tell me where they are going. It's like a conspiracy or something. "

Bart: "A conspiracy, eh? Do you think they were involved in the Kennedy assassination in some way?"

Homer: "I doooo...nooooow. "

[2F09] Homer the Great

Friday, November 19, 2004

Mistaken Identity

Otto: "Hey landlord dude, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice. "

[8F21] Otto Show

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Misclassfication Of Food

Homer: "You want a doughnut?"

Lisa: "Do you have any fruit?"

Homer: "This one has purple stuff inside...purple is a fruit. "

[3F17] Bart on the Road

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Homer Does Scales

Homer: "DO...... the stuff... that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
FA..... a long way to get beer...
SO...... I'll have another beer...
LA...... I'll have another beer...
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to... "

(Looks into an empty glass)


Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Willie: "You've got the Shinning boy!"

Bart: "Don't you mean the Shining?"

Willie: "Shhh, do you want to get sued!"

[2F03] Treehouse of Horror V

Monday, November 15, 2004

Hobbies For Someone With ADD

Homer: "Marge I'm bored."

Marge: "Why don't you read a book?"

Homer: "Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom."

[3F09] Two Bad Neighbors

Friday, November 12, 2004

Like A What?

Homer: "I work like a Japanese beaver."

[9F05] Marge Gets a Job

Thursday, November 11, 2004

A Mayor's Duties

Quimby: "Henceforth, this date shall forever be known as Flaming Moe's Day!"

Advisor: "Uh, sir, this is already Veterans' Day."

Quimby: "It can be two things!"

[8F08] Flaming Moe

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I Don't Think So

Bart:"Ohhhhh my ovaries."

[9F05] Marge Gets a Job

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Desecrating a National Treasure

Homer: "Bart! Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis!"

[8F01] Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington

Monday, November 08, 2004

Learned Student

Bart: "What was the name of the Pilgrims' boat?"

Sherry: "The Spirit of St. Louis."

Bart (taking notes): "And where'd they land?"

Terry: "Sunny Acapulco."

Bart: "And why'd they leave England?"

Sherry: "Giant rats."

Bart: "Cool! History's coming alive!"

[7F03] Bart Gets an F

Friday, November 05, 2004

A Deprogrammer's Resume

Deprogrammer: "Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns."

Marge: "Are you sure you can get him back for us?"

Deprogrammer: "Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed Jane Fonda, you know."

Marge: "What about Peter Fonda?"

Deprogrammer: "Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get Paul McCartney out of Wings."

Hmer: "You idiot! He was the most talented one!"

[1F16] Burns' Heir

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Harmless Sibling Rivalry

Marge: "Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister!"

[7F23] When Flanders Failed

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Newborn Blues

Homer: "Yeah, sure, for you a baby's all fun and games. For me, it's diaper changes and midnight feedings."

Lisa: "Doesn't Mom do that stuff?"

Homer: "Yeah, but I have to hear about it."

[8F10] I Married Marge

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Healthy Alternatives

Marge: "Are you sure about this? A baby can really change your life."

Patty: "You'll have to give up smoking."

Selma: "I'll chew."

[9F11] Selma's Choice

Monday, November 01, 2004

Champale Goggles

Marge: "Maybe it's the champale talking, but I think you're pretty sexy."

Homer: "Really? It must be the champale talking."

[8F10] I Married Marge