Daily Simpsons

Provides a funny quote daily from the popular animated series The Simpsons.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Nerds Of Note

Lisa: "Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. In fact, they've done some pretty memorable things. Some nerds of note include...popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher, rock star David Byrne, and supreme court justice David Souter."

Homer (heartbreak): "Oh, not Souter! Oh, no!"

[1F02] Homer Goes to College

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Warranted Suspicion

Homer: "Hey, that's not the wallet inspector!"

[1F02] Homer Goes to College

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Nerd Alert

Marge: "Ooh, what's wrong with this phone? it's making crazy noises."

Nerd 2: "Those 'crazy noises' are computer signals."

Nerd 3: "Yeah. Some guys at MIT are sending us reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk."

Nerd 1: "Hah! They're outta their minds."

[1F02] Homer Goes to College

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Great Aspirations

Homer: "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

Bart: "I don't think any of us expected him to say that."

[2F12] Homer the Clown

Monday, October 25, 2004

Sanctity Of The Sport

Umpire: "Okay, let's go over the ground rules:

You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
Any man scoring has to chug a beer.
You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings.
Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning."

Chief Wiggum: "Hey, we know how to play softball!"

[8F13] Homer At Bat

Friday, October 22, 2004

Truth Hurts

Homer: "You're Darryl Strawberry!"

Darryl: "Yes?"

Homer: "You play right field."

Darryl: "Yes?"

Homer: "I play right field too."

Darryl: "So?"

Homer: "Well, are you better than me?"

Darryl: "Well, I've never met you... but... yes."

[8F13] Homer at the Bat

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Power Of Suggestion

Hynpotist: "You are all very good players..."

Team (entranced, in unison): "We are all very good players..."

Hypnotist: "You will beat Shelbyville..."

Team: "We will beat Shelbyville..."

Hypnotist: "You will give one hundred and ten percent..."

Team (still in hypnotic trance): "That's impossible. No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most anyone can give."

[8F13] Homer at the Bat

Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Lisa: "Mom, Bart's making faces at me."

Bart: "It's a nervous twitch, and I'm a little sensitive about it, if you don't mind."

[8F14] Homer Alone

Tuesday, October 19, 2004


Homer: "Now we just sit by the mailbox and watch the money roll in."

Marge: "But you're going to annoy thousands of people just to make a few measly dollars. It's nothing but panhandling."

Homer: "TELE-panhandling."

[4F01] Lisa's Date With Density

Monday, October 18, 2004

Good English

Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible."

[2F05] Lisa on Ice

Friday, October 15, 2004


Ralph: "Umm, Miss Hoover?"

Miss Hoover: "Yes Ralph, what is it?"

Ralph: "My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it...can I have another one?"

Miss Hoover: "No Ralph, there aren't any more...[shaking her head] just try to sleep while the other children are learning."

Ralph: "Oh boy...sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

[3F03] Lisa The Vegetarian

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Ralph (declare): "When I grow up, I'm going to go to Bovine University!"

[3F03] Lisa The Vegetarian

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Movie Magic

Martin: "Uh, sir, why don't you just use real cows?"

Prop Guy: "Cows don't look like cows on film. You gotta use horses."

Ralph: "What do you do if you want something that looks like a horse?"

Prop Guy: "Ehh, usually we just tape a bunch of cats together."

[2F17] Radioactive Man

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Hard of Hearing

Ralph: "What's for lunch tomorrow?"

Director: "Next!"

Ralph: "Chicken necks?"

[2F17] Radioactivve Man

Monday, October 11, 2004

Keeping Tabs On Your Kid

TV: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your kids are?"

Homer: "I told you last night, NO! Hey where is Bart? His food is getting all cold...and eaten."

Friday, October 08, 2004

Hot Metal Hunks

Bart: "Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?"

[4F11] Homer Phobia

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Art Connoisseur

Homer: "There he is, Michalangelo's... Dave."

[7F09] Itchy and Scratchy and Marge

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Lucky Guess

Homer: "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 50."

Marge: "Is it 37?"

Homer: "Doh!... I mean nooo..."

[9F03] Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Eye Of The Beholder

Homer: "My Hair! You chopped off my hair! Oh god I'm ugly!"

[2F01] Itchy And Scratchy Land

Monday, October 04, 2004

That Book By That Wheelchair Guy

Marge: "Bart! What happened?"

Bart: "Well...we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapse on itself. But Dad seemed cautiously optimistic!"

Homer: [disembodied] "Craaaaaaaaaaap!"

[3F04] Treehouse of Horror VI

Friday, October 01, 2004

Lost In Translation

Homer's Brain: "Oh, glory of glories. Oh heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's creation."

Homer: "Holy macaroni! "

[3F04] Treehouse of Horror VI