Daily Simpsons

Provides a funny quote daily from the popular animated series The Simpsons.

Monday, January 31, 2005

[1F06] Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood

Homer: "Ohhhhh, 20 dollars! I wanted a peanut!"

Homer's Brain: "20 dollars can buy many peanuts."

Homer: "Explain how!"

Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

Homer: "Woohoo!"

Friday, January 28, 2005

[1F06] Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood

Homer: "Did they teach you how to sing to trees and build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs?"

(Homer's chair breaks)

Homer: "D'oh! Stupid poetic justice!"

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

[1F09] Homer the Vigilante

Homer: "People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14 percent of all people know that."

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

[1F09] Homer the Vigilante

Homer: "So I said, 'Look buddy, your car was upside down when we got here, and as for your grandmother, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that.'"

Monday, January 24, 2005

[1F09] Homer the Vigilante

Marge: "And don't take candy from strangers."

Homer (pleading): "Marge, they're only human!"

Friday, January 21, 2005

[8F24] Kamp Krusty

Lisa: "I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart."

Bart: "We're all gonna die, Lis'."

Lisa: "I meant soon."

Bart: "So did I. "

[3F04] Treehouse of Horror VI

Thursday, January 20, 2005

[8F24] Kamp Krusty

Bart: "Don't we get to roast marshmallows?"

Kearney: "Shut up and eat your pinecone! "

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

[8F24] Kamp Krusty

Homer: "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

Radio: "17"

Homer: "DOH!!"

Radio: "32"

Homer: "DOH!!"

Radio: "5"

Homer: "DOH!!"

Radio: "8"

Homer: "WOOHOO!!!"

Radio: "47"

Homer: "DOH!!"

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

[8F12] Lisa the Greek

Homer (drooling): "Mmmmmm, crumbled up cookie things..."

Friday, January 14, 2005

[7F24] Stark Raving Dad

Michael Jackson: "Bart, your father needs you. You don't want him to get a labotomy do you?"

Bart: (pause) "Well, there's probably a downside I don't see."

Thursday, January 13, 2005

[7F24] Stark Raving Dad

Bart: "Once you hit the big one-o, it's all downhill from there. You're legs start to go...candy doesn't taste as good anymore."

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

[8F07] Saturdays of Thunder

Homer: "What's the quickest, easiest, cheapest way to do something with you?"

Lisa: "Uhh, take us to the video store?"

Homer: "Anything for my little girl."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Troy McClure: "Oh hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid.'"

[1F05] Bart's Inner Child

Monday, January 10, 2005

Don't Believe Everything You Read

Lawyer: "What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, 'Die Bart, Die?'"

Sideshow Bob: "No, that's German for, 'The Bart, The.'"

Parole Board Member: "No one who speaks German could be an evil man."

[9F22] Cape Feare

Friday, January 07, 2005

That's The Spirit

Bart: "Grandpa, Matlock's not real."

Grandpa Simpson: "Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!!!"

[9F22] Cape Feare

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Can I Hear The Song Again?

Lovejoy: "Thanks a lot Marge. That was our only burlesque house."

[4F06] Bart After Dark

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Where Do I Know You From?

Troy McClure: "Hi, I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me from such driver's ed films as 'Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass' and 'The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot.'

[9F14] Duffless

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Amen Brother

Homer: "God bless those pagans."

Monday, January 03, 2005

Culture Shock

Principal Skinner: "...You wouldn't be getting a French boy...you'd be getting an Albanian."

Homer: "You mean all white with pink eyes?"

[7G13] The Crepes of Wrath