Research First

Homer (impersonating his boss): "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me."

Post office worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know..."

[7F22] Blood Feud

Hindu Swearing

Apu: "Shiva H. Vishnu!"

[3F12] Bart the Fink

Hallucinating?

Ralph: "Um, Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent."

Ms Hoover: "Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?"

Ralph: "He was going to the bathroom."

[1F18] Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song

Laws Are Meant To Be Broken

Homer: "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

[2F19] The PTA Disbands

Good Kid, Bad Kid

Homer: "We always have one good kid, and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?"

Marge: "We have three kids Homer."

Homer: "Marge...The dog dosen't count as a kid."

[8F15] Separate Vocations

Judgmental Operator

Operator: "The fingers you have used to dial, are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm, now."

[3F05] King- Size Homer

Even Trade Off?

Homer: "Marge, we had a deal, your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick."

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Timing Is Everything

Broker: "Homer, I told you a hundred times, you gotta sell your pumpkin futures before Halloween, before!"

Homer: "Ok, Ok let's not panic, I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers, I can get by with one."

[2F14] Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Heat Wave

Homer: "Marge, can you set the oven to cold?"

[1F22] Bart of Darkness

Ol' McTrigonometry

Lisa: "I'm studying for the math fair, if I win I'll bring home a brand new protractor!"

Homer: "Too bad we don't live on a farm."

[7F08] Dead Putting Society

Amazing Memory Loss

Mr. Burns: "Who is this Homer Simpson?"

Smithers: "Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude."

Mr. Burns: "Doesn't ring a bell."

[9F15] Last Exit to Springfield

They'll Just Blame Anyone

Grandpa Simpson : "I always get the blame around here! Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch? Who got their dentures stuck on the toilet?"

Homer: "But Marge, this is our big chance to show up the Flanderseses."

Marge: "I'm sure it is, but why would we want to do that?"

Homer: "Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad! And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves."

[7F08] Dead Putting Society

Bright Idea

Homer: "You know that little ball you put on the arial so you can find your car in the parking lot? That should be on every car!"

Mini Celebrity Appearances

Homer: "After work I have to open a Jiffy Lube and then host the Cable Ace Awards."

Lenny: "Wow...Jiffy Lube."

[2F12] Homer the Clown

Constituents

Grandpa Simpson (typing a letter): "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot."


[2F06] Homer Bad Man

Crappy Knockoffs

Homer: "Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!"

Bart: "Don't be a sap dad. These are just crappy knockoffs."

Homer: "I know a genuine 'Panaphonics' when I see one. And look! There's 'Magnet Box' and 'Sorny!'"

[3F11] Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

Serendipity

Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, it's that girlsshould stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such. "

[4F17] The Old Man and the Lisa

Old Fashioned

Mr. Burns: "Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt? "

[3G01] The Springfield Files